Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting. And Rioting. And Arson. And City-Wide Conflagrations. And Drive-by Shootings…

I think the real world should be more like Grand Theft Auto III.

For the uninitiated, GTAIII is one of those video games that the traditional, down-home, “can’t-we-all-just-get-along” moral majority keeps blaming for everything from the rise of anarchy to the alarming staleness of bread in French restaurants. It more or less rewards your acts of impulsive destruction like causing 12 car pile ups, beating up people randomly on the street, or shooting at pedestrians with a sniper’s rifle from roof tops. But life would be so much more gosh darn interesting with this kind of happenin’ lifestyle. I’d wake up in the morning, throw a taxi driver out of his cab, run an old lady over with it, take her money, crash it into a traffic light, get out, throw another guy out of his station wagon ’cause he dared to listen to rap music in my presence, start up a fist fight on the street, wait for the paramedics to show up then lob a few grenades at their ambulance while humming “Kumbaya” and top it all off with a relaxing drive around the city before going to the junkyard to trash my car because of the dead body in the trunk.

The only thing I’d be missing is Joe Pesci as my best psychotic friend and life would be sweet…