Run Forest! Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Inspired by a conversation I just had with the girlfriend over coffee:

I remember from the very first moment I heard those immortal words, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna’ get,” that it was just dead plain wrong.

The real saying should be, “Life is like a box chocolates. You get a little map inside that marks out each flavor and where it’s located in the box, along with a complete listing of ingredients and the address of the manufacturer for customer inquiries.”

Which got me to thinking: If you had to take that famous line and stick it in other movies or give it to other celebrities, what would end up happening?

Seinfeld:

Jerry: Chocolates in boxes… I mean.. what’s up with that?

George W. Bush

George: The presence of chocolates in Korea represents a clear threat to the Asian region. And that is why we must mobilize to invade Iraq as quickly as possible.

Star Trek:

Spock: I find the comparison of life to a box of chocolates to be highly illogical, Captain.

Arnold How Do You Spell His Name:

Arnie: Liife is liik a bahx ahf tem-min-nah-tors. Nooo! Way-te! Ah can do dis! Mr. Cam-rahn, please, gif me anah-der chaance! One more tay-ke, pleaaaase!

Rocky:

Stallone: Life is like boxing chocolates. I am da law! Adriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!

Marlon Brando:

Marlon: hamshgm box shmofl exmemuffle chocolates zmplf… No one understaaaaaaaaaands!! Arrrgh! (Begins to cry and pound fist into ground)

(Followed by a $20 million cheque and an Oscar nomination)

Rebel Without A Cause:

Dean: These chocolates are tearing me apaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart!

Star Wars:

Yoda: Like a box of chocolates, life is. But beware the dark chocolate…

Luke: Is the dark chocolate more delicious?

Yoda: Delicious? Thicker, creamier, yes. But not more delicious. Yeeeeeees, mm… yess….

The Matrix:

Morpheus: Unfortunately, no one can be told what the box of chocolates are. They have to eat them for themselves.

Neo: Whoa. Sweet…

Lord Of The Rings:

Elrond: The box of chocolates must be cast into the fires of Mount Doom. Mr. Anderson.

Frodo: My name… is Frodo!

(Okay, that last one was two jokes. Sue me…)