Now We Resume Our Regularly Scheduled Annoying Lunacy

It is, depending on how you look at it, either a very good time or very bad time to be a geek. It is good, because pop culture is so rich with material right now that your head would surely threaten to explode in pretty much the same way that the fat guy did during the restaurant sketch in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.

It is bad because you have to be rich to enjoy this very richness, since it takes up so much fucking money.

But yes, after a Xenosaga inspired hiatus that involved much negligence of everything from the beloved girlfriend to even the kind of odor my own traiterous body was emitting after hours and hours (And HOURS!) of non-stop gaming, I have once again returned to earth to… whine. Or rhapsodize. Or whatever you call these random blurbings from someone who is clearly trying to say something despite not having anything particularly interesting to say right now, and SO, in a vain attempt to compensate for lack of anything bad (ie, interesting) to talk about, will just have to make do with what’s currently got his knickers in a–in the strictly metaphorical sense, I assure you–twist.

I Am The Captain Of My Fate. And This Videogame…

Xenosaga: Der Wille Zur Machte Episode One pretty much lived up to the expectations of its title. Sturm und drang by the shovelful.

It has also, however, displaced the mighty Final Fantasy franchise as my all time favorite RPG EVER.

Perhaps it is essentially my science fiction geek/childhood background, but I’ve always had a soft spot for anything that involves settings in space and huge, “Holy muther a’ GOD…” space fleet battles that leave one breathless with the sheer chaos, numbers and firepower involved. Xenosaga delivered on all counts, something that Final Fantasy, while still a favorite, has only ever done in frustratingly ingratiating nods to SF geeks with little SF elements sprinkled about here there while fireballs and other thaumaturgy flew willy nilly through the sorcerous air.

Ain’t no such thing here, my little cosmic gals and pals, this game will leave you quivering in your space boots as you hear the merry ring of its laughter and feel the blast of its mighty electro-quarter staff. It’s SF (Okay, crazy ass, ridiculously gargantuan in scale, anime based) goodness the whole way through. With Niezstche!

Yes, that whacky German philosopher that gave little Adolph so many good ideas, Nietzsche, is back if not in body, then in spirit as the major theme of the game (YES! IT HAS A THEME! HOW DEEP!) is the fact that life is lived largely as a matter of will, the “Will to power”, which is the title of one of his works, as well as what that funky German in the title of the game says. This game, audacious enough to tackle a storyline that can only be adquately–and with no exaggeration–described as epic, takes on a grand Wagnerian scale that is so rife with conspiracy, mystery, mysticism and religious references at turns thought provoking and sacreligious kicks my ass into pure gaming bliss and somehow still manages to come off as annoyingly, obtusely intelligent in a way that makes me feel like I should have paid more attention during the my phiosophy course’s look at gnosticism.

Oh, it’s got way fucking cool space battles and mecha to boot.

This is not to say that it is a perfect game. Having taken two years to produce and another year to translate into English and redub, the graphics engine shows its age somewhat and definitely falters compared to the glitz-o-rama that is Final Fantasy X’s graphical wonder. The game itself is somewhat short. Viewing all the cutscenes (And there are MANY. 12 hours worth) and beating all the mini-games and finishing side quests can still see completion of the game in about 40 hours, though I spent about 70 before I got to the game’s end, still a full 10 hours short of the promised 80 hours on the back of the box.

But aside from those two niggling criticisms, the game outshines every single fucking RPG out there in so many other ways it’s not even funny.

You want sound? How about music performed by none other than the London Philharmonic? And believe me, when the orchestra kicks in during the game, you really notice. Strings screeching through your ears and a choir haraunging in the background are just a few of the audio treats that await. You want backstory? The game is so packed with technical detail and back story that they’ve even included an ingame appendix, a la the Dune novels, to keep you up to date on the terminology and names and places within the game. You want character development? The Byzantine nuances and mysteries of each othe major characters is so intriguing–and, more infuriatingly–so teasingly hinted at without giving too much away, even at the game’s end, that while you know these characters are far more than what they seem, the development they go through alone during just this first episode is enough to make you feel like you’ve read a novel. You want decent voice acting? Some of the most prominent voice actors of the dubbing industry for anime were hired for this game and for the most part, it’s difficult to pick on their delivery, they do it justice. You want a combat system? This has one of the deepest and most strategic character level/combat techniques I’ve seen in years of RPG gaming that gives you an unprecedented amount of freedom both in character customization and what you can do on the battlefield. You want story?

YOU WANT STORY?

You’ll wish you hadn’t made that wish.

The first of a planned six episode epic that will only see conclusion on the Playstation 3, Xenosaga packs in just as much mystery as a full season of Babylon 5, and, like the fuckers who worked on that show, THEY REFUSE TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY. Tantalizing glimpses of characters, conspiracies, monolithic secrets finally coming to light after decades (And in some cases, millenia) of hiding are shown… then taken away from you, with only teasing references or minor scenes to keep your curiosity burning bright. What the hell is the Zohar? Why was it discovered on 21st century Earth in Lake Turkana, arguably the cradle of humanity, and then suddenly being relevant to our story 4,000 years later? Why is Earth lost to all 4,000 years later and now referred to as Lost Jerusalem? Who are the Gnosis and why are they bent on wiping out humanity? What is the song of Nephilim? What is this U-Do thing that was so powerful the planet it was on has been sealed off from hyperspace access for 14 years? Why is there a 12 year old red headed boy who is actually years older than he appears that can pull off all kinds of crazy psychic shit and why does he have the number 666 tatooed on his right palm? If a giant space station was cast into a double black hole known as The Abyss, what’s it doing running rampant through the galaxy again? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?

WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE KICK ASS GIANT ROBOTS AND DOES IT OPERATE ON 120 OR 240 VOLTS?!?

Argh. I’m morally obligated to get Episode II now just because of questions like this, and I’m sure not all of my questions will be answered there either.

I love this game to death. This is kind of SF RPG I’ve been waiting YEARS for and now I’ve finally played it. And want more. LOTS more. Fortunately I’ll get it. Or at least Episode II anyway…

I Gotta’ Write Gooder

Imagine a hypodermic needle.

It’s a slick, shiny hypodermic needle, some casual sideline projected of a bored Bauhaus designer doing a favour for a medical student friend. The thing looks streamlined enough to fly under its own power, ailerons and stabilizers radiating style and cool emissions as it vectors in on its target, filled with its precious cargo, a bubbling, frenetic pool of liquid that resembles boiling mercury gone mad, percolating with a brownian eagerness within its chosen medium of delivery. This needle, this incredibly stylish hypodermic needle is ready to inject this ultimate variant on endorphin synthetics; pure, unadulterated cool ideas.

Today someone just stuck that needle in the back of my neck and injected it to the full, direcly into my hindbrain, setting off a neural reconfiguration so drastic and sudden that it can only be compared to the kind of ruthless purging that happens in a German multinational company.

Which is to say that I finally started reading Pattern Recognition by none other than my future Bestest Friend Ever, Big Bill himself.

I have only just begun, but I can safely say that from a pure technical viewpoint, this is probably Gibson at his best. The language shows such a richness, control and, surprisingly, restraint, that if anyone were to ever ask me how to be a better writer, I’d probably just throw this book at them and say, “Do that.”

It’s sort of making me itchy to finish my own damn book. But also kind of embarrassed. No, make that PLENTY embarrassed because my level of writing is nowhere near this. I feel like the little brother in a Disney movie watching his big brother make the winning touchdown, and holding onto his own junior size football helmet, watching his older brother being carried aloft in victory and saying in his winsome, child’s voice, “Someday I’m gonna’ do that. I’m gonna’ be the goodest football player ever…”

Go Big Bill! Someday I’m gonna’ do that! Maybe! But you need to be my friend first! PLEASE!

WHOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the last stop on our Pop Culture Rock Till You Suck Tour is, the inevitable viewing of Bill And Ted’s Bodacious CyberWar, ie, Matrix: Reloaded.

Did it rock?

Fuck YEAH.

We came, we saw, we walked away monosyllabic, just like Kea-neo. In a fitting twist (The particular twist being largely enforced by me whining how it would be “sooooo coooool…”) of cinematic irony, the only place to logically eat after watching the film was at the Hawker center on Zion Road, forever after referred to by me as Zion, The Last Free Hawker Center Of Man. It was here that the movie was obsessively dissected by all of us (Okay, more to the point, by ME with everyone else rolling their eyes or thinking, “Just shut the fuck up already…”) and we came to the inescapable conclusion that I am a pompous and pretentious pseudo-intellectual ass.

Yes Nic, it’s okay. We all think it. Hell, I know it. I have embraced and am one with my pompous pretentious pseudo-intellectual assness, so it’s all good.

Man, I wish I had a forum going so I could debate this with all a youse… It’s times like this I miss having other sci-fi/anime/comic book/video game/pseudo-intellectual/geeks to pointlessly orgasm over the inane minutae of each reference…

The only two complaints I have about the movie are:

1) The music was way too over the top and somehow (And this struck me as really weird) felt more like a movie trying to imitate a Matrix score than an actual Matrix score. If that made sense to ANYONE, then please explain to me, because I don’t get it and I just wrote it.

2) Pure plot with little to no character development. Then again, it is the middle act.

Other than that…

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE best car chase ever done. PERIOD.

THE best fight scenes ever done. PERIOD.

THE best post-apocalyptic design for the last free city of man (Yeah, I know, there’s like, TONS of those, aren’t there?). PERIOD.

THE most ridiculous, unapologetic and purely-for-eye-candy use of digital sets/actors for ULTRA FUCKING COOL effect. PERIOD.

THE most inane usage of cinema advertising ever. About PERIODS.

In the same way The Matrix was imitated a million bazillion times for its bullet time sequences, this and Revolutions a few months from now will also be similar sources of unapologetic ripping off. Assuming said rip-off artists can afford it since the effects cost of this movie would probably put a smile on the average Columbian Druglord’s gold toothed mouth. It was almost pure, sensory overload. There was so much coolness happening at any given time I swear the temperature in the theater went down 20 degrees.

There were still attempts at throwing out half-assed introductions to existentialist, phenomenological, metaphysical and ontological concepts via the software metaphor, though they were sometimes much more overt, bang-you-over-the-head-with-soapbox-I-rant-from moments than what was (I am now forced to admit, in retrospect) the much more subtle delivery of the original. Hey, Brothers Wachowski, next time stick to effective summations of philosophical theory through image or snappy one-liners like you did in the first film. Dissertations should be shared amongst grad students, not 14 year old kids who will be discussing the depth of the story with about equal weight to “Did you see Trinity’s knockers?!? WHOA!”

But, in the end…

WHO CARES?!?

THIS MOVIE KICKED HOLY ASS!

I wanted a ride and I got one, like a 16 year old cheerleader in the back of a 1950 DeSoto who’s told she’ll still be respected in the morning. I can get out there and sound just as annoying as any other person trying to sound smart, but in the end when you see a guy fightin’ with a katana aboard an 18 wheeler careening down a freeway, it’s time to throw out the book lernin’ and just yee-haw the rasslin’… I ain’t never seen fightin’ like this, Pa! DANG! And I finally saw post Y2K mecha! FINALLY! I haven’t seen any kind of mecha since the infamous power loader of 1986′s Aliens, it’s about fucking time someone else tried to do mecha in a live action film. God bless the Brothers Wachowski… I completely threw my critical faculties out the window during many moments of the film and simply thought, “Wow. Whoa. Whatever…”

It depresses me in a way, because there’s a nostalgic part of me that wishes I were getting this feeling of uber-cool from George and not have to find it in people who are within spitting distance of my own generation like the Brothers Wachowski and good ol’ Pete “Kiwi” Jackson. Once more I found myself in envy of those 14 year old kids in the audience who were in no way prepared for this experience and probably came out of the theatre with their lives and perceptions fundamentally altered before they go and play the videogame. I wish it were George. I really, really do. However, he has gone insane and so far, LOTR and the Matrix movies have both managed to score two out of two for supreme coolness, with both going head to head at the end of the year to see which loser looks more foolish in sub zero temperatures at the line for the theatre; the overweight idiot dressed in tight PVC clothing with trench coat and shades saying “Whoa…” or the skinny idiot swallowed up in his rusty armor, waving his plastic He-Man sword around while screaming “Elendil!”

You be the judge!

Anyway, duty calls. I have MANY articles to write up for Playworks, and I’m still finishing up on researching for a National Geographic documentary about demining Cambodian temples (Just got a reply from the Cambodian Ambassador to the United States! Who would’a thunk it!?!?) but all these will have to wait for another post.