Possible Solutions For Becoming More Interesting
1) Get dumped.
2) Get back into advertising.
3) Get back into television.
4) Contract hideous disease that takes its toll over a period of years.
5) Get mugged.
6) Get raped.
7) Get killed.
Go in for plastic surgery and have it go horribly wrong.
9) Go in for plastic surgery and have it go miraculously right.
10) Find an arch-nemesis who is out to destroy me.
11) Become an arch-nemesis out to destroy someone else.
12) Become alcoholic.
13) Do drugs.
14) Sell drugs.
15) Do the drugs I’m selling, with the inevitable consequence of #7.
16) Go to jail. See #6.
17) Become an actor.
18) Become a mugger.
19) Become a rapist.
20) Become a murderer.
21) Become a serial killer, which is the same as 20, but with more style.
22) Contract an eating disorder, though there’s already speculation I’m anorexic.
23) Found a new religion.
24) Wipe out an old one.
25) Become a stage magician.
26) Join the Mafia.
27) Join the Yakuza.
28) Become a drug addict with the express purpose of getting off the drugs so I can write about it later.
29) Get a tattoo.
30) Get a life.
I’m personally very excited about that disease one. Out of all of them that’s the one where no one can argue with your claim, “I’m the victim here!” plus you get to learn all kinds of neat medical terms and people give you gifts even though it’s not Christmas or your birthday. After all, a colostomy bag is the gift that keeps on giving. Sort of…