New Reader!

It has come to my attention that a friend of mine, hereby known as “Raych” has seen fit to read the blog for the first time and comment on it! Mostly this is due to the fact that she didn’t know about it ’till I told her so, but whatever! Welcome aboard, Raych! God have mercy on your soul like the other people that read this crap…

The reason she gets special mention is because I hardly see her, but then she’s doing that media thing with a dynamic, fulfilling job, loving parents, a boyfriend and more substance packed in her pinky than I’ve got in my whole lifetime. I, however, have gotten an answer from Neil-O hisself, so who’s better off?

Don’t answer that…

Nearly Done!

I am now taking on the task that I have been avoiding for the last couple of days of writing the ten pages worth of previews for games that I have not–and probably will not–play but must nevertheless sound like I have in-depth play testing experience with. Some day, when Playworks has more clout, we just might actually be in a position where gaming companies drop preview copies of early builds of games on our door, instead of us having to use that most reliable of gaming sources, imagination, to provide the in-depth coverage these games deserve.

Sigh…

I feel bad about this…

My Camera Kills Dead People! Wait, That Sounds Weird…

I have officially attained the status of bragging rights ownership for Fatal Frame. With the X-Box exclusive “Fatal Mode” now trounced (And my GOD, was that ever HARD…) I have viewed the X-Box exclusive ending, which SUCKED ASS, and now enjoy near limitless power with my camera to destroy all them nasty ghosts that caused such an explosive increase in underwear washing when I first played the game. I also have a new costume for the heroine which seems to consist of a fuzzy mini-skirt/kimono sorta’ deal with big stupid bow on the back, and instead of a flash light she now carries… a glow in the dark coffee mug.

That’s the only way I can describe it. It has a handle, it looks like you could suck back your favorite Java Arabica blend from it, and yet it emits a powerful, spectral light AND fades away into nothingness when you open doors, only to reappear when you step through into the other side. Now if it only played “Come What May” every time you tipped it, it would be super-keen!

Not News At All: Big Bill Still A Fucking GENIUS

Nearly done with Pattern Recognition now, and while I will (At length and ad nauseum) eventually give my oh-so-eagerly awaited opinion on this latest offering from the hardest working man in cyberspace, I think I can safely give you a preview of what I will say.

Big Bill, be my friend!

PLEASE!

Oh, and you too, Neil-O…

News Flash! NEIL-O OFFICIALLY ACKNOWLEDGES MY EXISTENCE! WHEEEE!!!!

Yes, friends and the neighbors, the plotting, planning, scheming and careful consideration of every word so as not to revea-… I mean, “inadvertantly present” stalker-ish tendencies has been rewarded!

NEIL-O ANSWERED MY E-MAIL! YEEEEEHAWWWW!!!

This could be the start of something truly embarrassing, hopefully. Maybe someday, years from now, when we’re super good friends and we’re sitting in a bar and he thinks I’m a long winded, annoying whiner and I think he’s a curmudgeonly old Limey who needs a shave, I’ll inadvertantly quote this right back to him and he’ll think to himself, “This sounds bloody familiar…” and then he’ll get it and say, “Wait, I remember! Yeah, you were that weird sod who kept calling me ‘Neil-O’ all the time! Bloody hell, that was you?!?”

To which I’ll grin sheepishly, mutter “Eh heh, heh… heh heh heh…” and light the bottle of vodka on fire as a distraction to cover my escape.

The entry itself, which will probably only be readily visible for a couple of days from this posting, is found (After some scrolling) here.

And for the inevitable day when it vanishes into the archives, here is the question in its entirety (complete with typo) with reply from the one, the only, Neil-O (!) to none other than me (!):

Hey Neil-O (Which is your super secret name in the more obscure circles of the literati),

–Shoeless Wayne Santos, Stranded in Singapore

No, I don’t think anyone has any obligations at all on this stuff, apart from writing the books, and making them as good as they/we can.

Does that help?

Oh yeah, Neil-O…

Does it ever.

Today is officially a kick. ASS. Day…

As If I Wasn’t Psychotically Prattling On Enough…

I, that is, WE, that is, the Girlfriend and I, are now the proud owners of a new mutual blog that is part of the contract to appear in the Creature Feature Comics.com website. Apparently in order to give the unwashed, ignorant masses a look into the oh-so-glamorous and cosmopolitan lifestyle of we whacky, creative types, Creature Features has made it mandatory that all contributors to the website are to keep a blog.

I think we’re doing it wrong, though.

I suspect it’s supposed to be some exclusive thingy that “lucky” subscribers to the website are entitled to look at so that they feel somewhat more justified about having shelled out the money for regular access to comics, and can get an insider’s look at the minds of their favorite creators that no one else does. Kind of a secret peek at their own Neil-O, except that I’m not Neil-O, and she’s not Dave McKean, and instead we’re just us.

But for those of you in desperate need to see a pre-blog form with just stupid test entries to make sure it’s all working out properly, you can gaze in awestruck humility at our protoblog-squirts at the Charlie’s Monsters Blog.

Apparently at some point we’ll get paid for all this.

Cooooooooooooool…

Must… Retain… Identity…

Yesterday as an assignment from the magazine I got to play with the new i-pod, an MP3 player that has such a funky retro-futurism look to it that it would be perfect in any House O’ The Future that also has egg shell chairs, Bauhaus coffee tables and TVs that are ensconced in giant golf balls.

Unfortunately my first thought as I played with it was, “Hey, NEIL-O has an i-pod! If I get an i-pod, I become a little bit more like Nei- WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!”

Damn it. Neil-O… answer my e-mails… spare me this torture…

The Game Geek Lives

Today (That phrase being a highly relativistic one, dependent on such factors as whether one can truly consider it “day” when I’m a night person and whether you are reading this in Europe, North America or Asia) I put together my first interview with a game developer.

Somehow, this marks something of a minor milestone for me. In the same way that I got a huge kick when I read my byline on my first published short story, or saw my name in the credits for my first television show, this moment of actually interacting with someone who is responsible for contributing to the hobby that has provided me with so much pure escape over the decades felt like I had actually accomplished something.

While it’s true that this was for a free java-based MMORPG it’s still a game and these guys worked hard on it, so I still feel there’s a certain measure of respect that’s got to be given to these Coders Of Fun, and it was neat to actually be able to ask questions and get answers and not be treated as a fan or enthusiast at some Con, but actually be considered someone within the industry that had the power to make them look good or bad.

I made them look good, of course. Although the interview came out to be a little over 1,000 words, and the limit for the interview segment was 400, so there was quite a bit of chopping up done and deletions of entire questions and answers to get it to fit, but such is journalism for ya’… No massive novels with unlimited word counts here…

It has been, surprisingly enough, a remarkably productive last couple of days.

I got a few of the articles out of the way, mostly the easy rant-based ones, one on the glory of early geek anime wunderkind Robotech: The Macross Saga for The Geek Vault, and the other on the importance of story in games for the rant column I.M.H.O, because apparently the previous contribution was more of a friendly essay than monomanical diatribe. I’ve reviewed the Runescape free java based MMORPG, wrote my feature piece on it, and compiled my interview, which, by the way, received this little note from the developers at Jagex:

Wayne

I am now pushing graphics to get together some images – any special requests?

Ahhh… the power of being a journalist in the gaming industry…

I’ve also finally received my e-mail addresses for the people I need to interview for the other “regular” MMORPG game that you have to pay to play so I can finally get started on that article. And, at long last, I finally finished my Charlie’s Monsters #2 story. Anyone that’s interested in seeing how Charlie’s Monsters #1 turned out can see it here.

Incidentally it looks like Charlie’s Monsters has been picked up by a new online comics website called Creature Feature Comics.com and will soon be making regular appearances there. They’re going to enable a tracking system to see which are the most popular comics so take on pity on us and click like mad on Charlie’s Monsters when it makes its debut! Stay tuned for more shameless promotion!

This will also allow me to get to work on Cm #3, tentatively entitled “The Hoe-Ray” wherein an evil scientist develops a morph-o-matic beam that transforms average, decent women into… Hoes. This will be a two parter, since I’m using it to vent many issues with the corporate world, such as a sexed up advertising accounts executive getting hit with the Hoe Ray and remaining exactly the same.

Too… Scary…

I’m STILL playing Fatal Frame at the moment, determined to get the super features that will make my camera nigh invincible and finally allow me to take revenge on all those God Damn Ghosts that have been giving me the Free Willies since I started playing. Nearly there now, just have to complete the incredibly difficult “Fatal Mode” and those sweet, sweet power-ups will be mine…

Stupid Cat

Uno is getting more aggressive with her domination of the household. This does not mean that she’s actually attacking Zero, but she has realized that merely moving towards him sends him scurrying and so is using this (Admittedly minimal effort on her part) tactic to take up all the sweet spots that he used to favor, like the window with the best sunbeam in the morning, or the rug.

I am hoping in utter futility that there will come a day when Zero finally realizes that not only is he bigger than she is, but also far more physically fit and combat-worthy. She is, after all, a pudgy sort of kitty, who probably has a little bit of Persian in her considering her squat appearance and dinky little legs. So far his actual physical superiority has done little to give him any kind of tactical advantage since he freaks and runs at the slightest provocation. I feel sorry for my poor, cowardly kitty, but if he’d just use some of that muscle and fang nature saw fit to give him, he wouldn’t find his territory progressively shrinking…

Behold: The King Of Slack

A few entries ago, I talked about how I was remarkably busy cranking out one article after another and once it was all said and done, I would finally able to do these things here:

1) I still owe the girlfriend a web comic, a three pager.

2) I still need to put the final touches on the Jen rewrite.

3) I have to start on my “Young Tolkien In Love” short story which, it has now been revealed to me by the muse, will invovle dwarves who have taken refuge in the USSR and are spouting Marxist doctrine at every opportunity.

4) Finish watching borrowed DVDs, the pile is manageably small now.

5) Finish reading Big Bill’s Pattern Recognition as I think I need a reinjection of style into my prose. Though to be honest, I don’t there’s very much room for that kind of artful description in my next novel, since that’s going to center itself largely around the idea that Vampires and Elves exist and have been at war with each other for quite some time.

Of these, only the last two have any appreciable dent in them, which I feel bad about.

However, I am going to try and NOT play Fatal Frame (Going for the ultra-difficult “Fatal Mode” in attempt to view the X-Box only special ending! SCARY!) tonight, and at least get that 3-pager done since I got an e-mail from my new employers with a bunch of assignments to be carried out that consist of:

Interviews with staff of a new MMORPG.

Interviews with staff of a new free Java MMORPG called Runescape.

10 pages worth of short reviews.

4 Geek tournaments for RTS games and fightin’ games.

My regular column “The Geek Vault”

The letters page.

A review of the Mac i-pod (Neil-O’s favorite gimmick! Automatically cool just because of that!)

And some column called “Inbox” which I’ve never heard of, but may be yet another of many new features and columns that are being added to the mag as people come up with them.

Oh well… busy is good…

In Other News

Repeated squirting of Uno has resulted in her not going into Zero’s room to ransack his food. When we’re around, anyway. I’m pretty sure she’s raiding his food dish when we go to bed, but we can’t do anything about that since he’s too cowardly to defend his own space.

Also, I think Uno is getting bolder with pushing him around. While there is still no fighting taking place, and probably won’t be, Uno is beginning to realize that all she has to do is make the slightest move towards Zero and that sends him scurrying into the next room. The cautious detente is still in place, but I think that Uno is starting to enjoy her new found power which involves minimal effort on her part. Bitch. Leave my cat alone.

Neil-O… What’s It Gonna’ Take?

I am now secretly formulating my new strategy to write an e-mail to Neil-O that will compel him to answer. In-depth analysis of his blog replies indicates that he tends to reply to weird questions (But not too weird), interesting bits of information that he didn’t know, or questions about himself that or his related works that not many people would know about. He DOES NOT respond to worshipful e-mails or e-mails asking him which city he wants nuked in his name. I have now decided that I will abandon that approach and try going with the other ones in my super-secret attempt to get him to reply, which I am broadcasting here for public consumption, and will doubtless be read by the Girlfriend anyway, even though I’m hoping she won’t read this and stumble upon my ultra-secret plans. I’d make a great movie villain.

Duty and planning call, must return to scheming. Remember kids, this is a SECRET.

A Public Service Announcement

I have been asked by the Girlfriend (under threat of guiltstricken cowering on my part if I should fail to comply) to use my considerable and vast network of contacts (ie, all 6 of you out there reading this) to SAVE FANTAGRAPHICS. a company which for decades has been responsible for a large number of very good independent/alternative style cartoons and comics (Some of which are naughty). They’ve mostly been okay for a while but as a result of some misplaced faith, their distributor went out of business and officially filed for bankruptcy, leaving Fantagraphics with about $70,000 due to them that they’ll never see. Anyone who’s ever read anything outside DC or Marvel will be at least passingly familiar with these guys…

Must… Not.. Kill…

And I just found out that the Girlfriend has succeeded where I have failed. Repeatedly. She got an answer to her question from Neil-O himself on his blog! Because we live together and because I plan on spending a lot of time with her in the years to come, killing her outright in a blind rage of insane jealousy would definitely be a Not Good Thing.

However, I must still suppress an urge to throttle something, ANYTHING, including Zero and Uno if they get too close, at the burning humiliation of having had my repeated (And, on thinking about it, possibly scary) Statements O’ Worship & Sacrifice hitherto ignored by the Death n’ Dream-y one whereas she gets it on the first try.

I’m going to tell myself that it’s ’cause she’s a girl.

Yes, I’m snarky about this…

Three Official Things:

1) Friendly Cat is now named “Uno.”

2) Uno is coexisting with Zero. Staring contests and constant flinching on Zero’s part every time she moves, twitches or so much as breathes, aside, they are able to hang out without killing each other, although he wants to smell her butt, and she’ll have none of it. The cautious detente has been established over the last few days and more or less looks like this photoplay here:

Zero: That is one ass-tastic butt you got there. Come on, lemme’ sniff it.

Uno: Bite me.

Zero: Thought someone already did that to you, Sweetie…

Uno: Asshole.

3) I am gainfully employed as the Playworks Magazine contributing editor. For at least three months anyway. After that the probationary period/We Hope We Have More Money By Then interval should be over and official full time employment will, hopefully be the next step.

Now, I am going to bed.