There Is Only One Thing That Could Possibly Bring Me Back Here

I can’t play with my Jedi.

Bleah.

I’m kind of astounded that I haven’t made a post here since last year, but it would seem that once I got access to Star Wars Galaxies and started “To Live The Greatest Saga Ever Told: Yours ™” it got its grubby little claws into me deeper than a Crack Monkey named Louis with Adamantium claws.

Yes. I have been playing SWG that long.

Yes. I got a Jedi character and get to play with a lightsaber. It took months to do it.

No. The girlfriend didn’t dump me. Amazingly, she even played it for a while.

But to recap everything that’s happened since nearly a year ago when the SWG madness began in quick succession. Oh, heck, let’s do a Q & A session…

Do you still have a job?

Incredibly, the answer is yes, I do. Although it’s not with the video game magazine that I was formerly with. Things got pretty ugly there, and so there’s no reason to drag names out and sling mud, suffice to say the short form is, they weren’t paying (An occurrence that seems to happen to me a lot despite the fact that for some reason people seem to think I’m a necessity…) and in desperation (And with the help of an enraged girlfriend) I held the magazine for ransom and wouldn’t hand it over until I got paid, then promptly quit once I got my rent money and they got their issue.

For the past little while I have been writing reviews now for competitor of that magazine. Anyone curious to see what kind of stuff I’ve been cranking out can find it here. There’s usually something put out by me here every week or so.

The other thing I’ve been doing is working on an animated series. I can’t say anymore than that really if I want to keep my job, but it’s ideal since it lets me stay out home, stay out of offices, avoid a tie and harrass my cats. It’s still in the initial stages with me doing the script and concept work, but presumably if it actually ever goes to air, then I can talk at length and ad nauseum about what is a decidedly odd ball project. When are you going to ask me about Star Wars Galaxies?

Fantastic. How are you and the girlfriend?

We are fine. Things are still, much to my stunned disbelief, peachy keen between us and everything is smooth sailing. She has recently started going back to school (fine arts) and is picking up a cynicism for modern art interpretation that does me proud. It’s gratifying to know that I’m not the only one that believes a blank canvas with a tag explaining its meaning roughly the size of Mt. Rushmore is not necessarily genius artwork. When are you going to ask me about Star Wars Galaxies?

Hey, are you two married yet?

No, we’re not, but that’s a foregone conclusion at this point anyway. Quit putting ideas into her head. When are you going to ask me about Star Wars Galaxies?

How are the cats?

Zero and Uno are fine. Uno has grown fat with domestic bliss and Zero is just as paranoid about total strangers as ever. We recently rescued yet another hapless kitten! This one was a little black thing with a meow that sounded like a dying infant vulture. When asked what to name it, I replied “Uh… Ragamuffin?” which promptly got shortened to “Muffin” on the grounds that it was cuter and would make said kitten easier to adopt. After three days of having two miserable cats, some gal who worked with the Singapore Zoo adopted said kitten and the cats are once more back to their usual neurotic selves. We have also unofficially adopted a stray cat that is an orange tabby and so was, in a stroke of creative genius, named “Orange.” This one now hangs out near our building, meows once, quietly, when it sees us and runs up to us then promptly remains silent until its fed, we get bored and ditch it on the street till the next day. When are you going to ask me about Star Wars Galaxies?

Hey, didn’t you have a couple of novels pending publication?

Well, there’s some bad news…

Sadly, after a little over two years, the publishers who were considering it finally said NO. The books–according to my agent–are now in the hands of another publisher who hopefully doesn’t read at the rate of five sentences a day and will come a decision faster. Still waiting on that, and probably won’t get more confirmation for a couple of months yet. When are you going to ask me about Star Wars Galaxies?

So what else are-grk*…

Ah, I’m so glad you asked. Star Wars Galaxies… A chance to go back long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

For months I have been slowly navigating my way through that game, making friends, seeing some pretty spectacular things, participating in everything from big game hunts for Rancors to fighting against the dreaded Empire… all the time really just trying to figure out how to become a Jedi Knight and then going about doing it. After months, the wholly uninspired mystery was revealed; master a whole bunch of different professions within the game and once the ones on your “secret list” have all been completed, you get a new Force Sensitive Character that is all ready to swing a saber. I promptly went at it for several months and earlier this year finally attained my goal; a character that is strong with the force, pure of heart, full of justice, and able to kill anyone that looks at me funny with some carefully applied force lightning or a saber slash to the brain pan.

Since that time, things have been slowing down somewhat in the game since my Ultimate Goal was achieved, but the real reason I am posting now instead of playing is that due to some bizarre changes made to the game and its internet infrastructure recently, I can no longer play it. That is to say, when a change to the game is made, a patch must be downloaded and integrated with your existing game before play can resume. I don’t know whether it’s Sony Online Entertainment, my Internet Service Provider, or maybe even the building I live in, but for some reason, I can no longer download these patches, and thus, can no longer play.

If you are thinking that this is a like a Crack Addict who suddenly finds out his dealer has been arrested, you are not even remotely close to understanding my grief, but that’s a good start.

In a pathetic bid to ease the pain, I even resorted to trying to play another game, Lineage II, but after realizing that game is impossible to play unless you have an armada of bodyguards to protect you from all the player killers in the game, I quickly gave up on it after a couple of days of trying to play, only to get ganked the second I set foot outside of my starting area by other players with such witty retorts as “Die, fu*king noob! I pwnz j00!”

Not quite as dramatic as “Give into your hate and join the dark side!” but I guess we can’t all be literate. Unless you’re a glutton for punishment, or don’t mind being the pawn in someone’s deluded attempt to have a virtual dominance to make up for their lack in real life, I strongly advise against playing this game. It’s obviously for people who enjoy making others suffer, and I am squarely NOT in this category.

Oh well, the pining away for Tatooine continues…

PS: If any kind readers out there are technically inclined and familiar with the intricacies of Internet connections, I would greatly appreciate it if you could share some techno-wisdom with me, as Sony Online Entertainment has described my problem as “experiencing packet loss” and failed to further elaborate. Damn you, faceless multinational corporations that step on the little guy! Damn you to heeeeell!

Please let me play Jedi, oh please… I’m asking nicely. Good SOE. N
ice SOE. Let us have our precious back, we wants it, oh yeeees, we wants it…