I Just Bought My Childhood



And it was only 4 DVDs long!



Ah, the original Star Wars trilogy… What can I say about it? For years, these movies were a sole source of happiness and inspiration. Watching them and comparing them to the new films not only brings back a nostalgia that’s somethin’ fierce, but it’s also an amazing documentary on film about how one can slowly go mad over the decades… But enough of this, I got another stupid idea…



Tentacle Girl



The girlfriend mentioned one fine day that there’s just not enough quality Hentai out there. For those of you that are totally clueless as to what I’m talking about, Hentai is a term for a specific brand of Japanese animation that usually involves incredibly cute young girls with ridiculous bodily proportions that end up getting sexually assaulted by men/ninjas/other dimensional monstrosities with multiple prehensile tentacles and usually seem pretty horrified by said assault until they A) Discover that they’re really getting into it, in which case, their squealing continues, but now it’s not quite so horrified, or B) They get ripped or split into little pieces.



So anyway, she was darn right about this, quality Hentai is darn hard to find, whether it’s the cheap animation done for these super porn/rape anime programs or just the outright bad writing, or, as is usually the case, both. She mentioned that she’d like to see a girl who HAD the tentacles for a change, specifically on her head. As is usually the case, the seemingly innocent comment exploded into my brain and I didn’t just pick up the idea and run away with it, I double packed it, put in those bubble wrap sheets, and Fed-Exed it to all four corners of the world…



A Wandering Nun. With Tentacles.



Our story begins with a poor innocent, a young Nun belonging to the order of the Sisters of Perpetual Motion who also happens to be incredibly hot with ridiculous bodily proportions and is for some bizarre reason the only nun in her order to wear really form clutching habits and stockings.



One day this young nun discovers that one of the monks in a nearby monastery is, *GASP!*, working for the other side, as it were, and is actually undertaking black mass ceremonies in an attempt to bring the depraved forces of hell back into this world so he can finally get some of that fine, fine lovin’ that he was constantly deprived of in high school. Unfortunately for said monk, the plan backfires when our innocent (yet incredibly hot) nun discovers his plot and interferes with his ceremony to offer his body as a host for one of the more depraved beasties of hell.



This nun, through sheer force of will, innocence (And incredible hotness which is really distracting when you’re trying to concentrate) manages to interrupt and foil this summoning attempt, but it comes at great cost; by throwing herself into the midst of the ceremony and actually coming into contact with said depraved demon, she takes on some of the aspects of this demon, most of which her purity and innocence (And incredible hotness) are able to contain and control. But one thing she cannot push down completely is the manifestation of many tentacles that have now replaced her hair. Agile tentacles. Demonic tentacles. Tentacles that are out lookin’ for a good time…



The nun is promptly thanked by the Church and then cast into permanent exile, as an incredibly hot nun with demonic qualities about her isn’t the kind of material the Church is looking to use as promotional material for recruitment drives, and so the genesis of our amazing series begins. Like the very best TV series (IE, The Fugitive, Kung Fu, The Incredible Hulk and The Littlest Hobo) the newly christened Tentacle Girl wanders from place to place, trying to help people while at the same time hiding a deep dark secret. She now possess demonic powers, that usually manifest as her tentacles growing in size power, normally resulting an explosive orgy where people have the sexual experience of their lives, or die, quite often one after the other. Hers is a classic struggle of trying to control her literal inner demon while at the same time trying to use that power for good, and try to pretend that all that squealing she does when tentacle time happens is actually squeals of distress at having to participate in another heathen yet mindblowingly exquisite sexual experience.



A typical episode might go something like this.



Mugger: Hey, give us your money!



Tentacle Girl: Please! Leave me alone! I don’t have any money to give!



Mugger: I don’t believe you! You’re too hot not to have any money!



Tentacle Girl: But I’m so innocent…



Mugger: That just makes you incredibly hotter…



Mugger makes a grab at Tentacle Girl, pawing her thigh, this begins The Change.



Tentacle Girl: OOOOOH NOOOOOO!!!!



Tentacles explode from under her habit and engulf every man and woman within 50 feet. Tentacles now push everyone into a sexual frenzy and people are jumping each other, or any available tentacle while tentacles more or less do the same.



Music: 70′s wawa guitar porno music kicks in.



Mugger: OH MY GOD!



Everyone Else: Inarticulate gurgles of ecstasy.



Tentacle Girl: This is TERRIBLE! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME AGAIN! AND DON’T IT HERE! OR HERE! AND PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DO IT HERE, OH, NO, NOT THERE!!! NOOOO!!!



Afterewards, the mugger is arrested by dazed cops, unable to even remember what language he usually speaks. Cops bowleggedly drag the mugger away but then stop.



Cop 1: Hey, that incredibly hot nun saved us all!



Cop 2: I’ll say, I didn’t even know I was gay, but now I’ll be a much happier man!



The cops hold hands.



Cop 2: Where’d she go, anyway?



The Incredible Hulk Piano solo plays in the background as Tentacle Girl slowly trudges down the road, her thumb occasionally extended to passing cars. Drivers sometimes stop, get out of the car, ogle her, then climb back in and drive off. She sighs and continues to walk.



IS THIS NOT SHEER GENIUS!?!?