The Super-Super Hero



Okay, so here’s my approach to the ultimate super hero…



On an alien world with an advanced culture, a loving couple with the husband as a genius scientist, gets exposed to radiation and thus guaranteeing their baby is a mutant, a child of the atom, an “X-Man” if you will… The mutant child is soon determined to have the mutant ability to breath underwater and telepathically communicate with fish. Before celebrations for this Aqua-X-Baby can take place, he is rocketed as an infant from his doomed planet, since its unstable core will shortly cause it to explode, a fact ignored by everyone on the planet except our hero’s dad.



His ship crashes in Kansas where he is raised by kindly American farmers who teach him decent values like laughing at those less fortunate than him, and dealing with his anger by taking a gun to school and shooting everyone in sight. It is here on Earth that this alien mutant also finally realizes that the yellow sun of Earth grants him super human abilities on top of his already formidable ability to talk to fish. Alas his parents die of a horrible disease that he can’t cure (An exotic African variant of cooties with strains of Anthrax) and devastated, he is adopted by rich parents who treat him so well he quickly forgets his old parents. The wealth of his new parents comes in especially handy when disaster strikes. While wandering down the street and mocking a blind man for his financial inferiority, a truck carrying radioactive material crashes and a cannister of said radioactive material spills over our hero’s eyes, blinding him but granting him an uncanny sense of hearing that acts almost as radar. The radiation also mutates a rat and some turtles who come across our young hero as he wanders away blind from the accident scene. These animals, who are mutated by the radiation into having ninja skills teach our hero in the ways of being a teenage mutant, blind, radar enabled, nigh invulnerable, flying, super vision, super strength enabled human who can breathe underwater and talk to fish.



After being trained in ways of the mutant ninja, our hero is once again found by his rich parents, who, despite the fact that he is now blind (Excepting telescopic, microscopic, infrared, heat and X-Ray vision which all work fine…) they take him to see a showing of Zorro, get mugged and shot before his eyes, causing him to finally wonder if maybe criminals might just be a bad thing. He realizes that criminals, just like he himself, are a cowardly, supersitious lot. He dedicates himself to fighting crime, but first realizes that he must acquire skills to fight crime aside from his near omnipotent mutant/yellow sun super charged/mutant ninja skills. A bat flying through the window seals the deal and he decides he’ll try to model himself as a bat. Sadly, this amibtion is nullified the very first day he returns to school when a field trip to a radiation demonstration goes bad; a spider irradiated from the demonstration bites him, granting him the abilities of a spider.



With still more abilities under his belt, he pursues the cause of science and crime detection to further his future efforts to fight for justice. He feels that it might be necessary to have some scientific backing while he studies medicine, so he specializes in weapons of mass destruction as his major, with heart surgery as a minor and for his final credit on his course, creates a gamma bomb. Things go horribly wrong when some punk kid shows up at the testing ground and our hero goes out to try and save him by listening for him–or using telescopic vision when hearing doesn’t work–and manages to shield him with his invulnerable skin, but also gets a healthy dose of gamma radiation that results in him turning into a hulking beast whenever he gets angry. The same explosion also causes him to wander and get lost in a cave where he finds an old walking stick and strikes it anger. As he does this, lightning strikes and he is transformed into the Norse god of Thunder while Odin descends and reveals that the soul of his son is embedded within his mutant, ninja, solar super charged, fish talking, anger transforming, spider like, avenging bat soul.



Transformed by this revelation, he is more determined than ever to fight crime. He returns to his studies, working on his chemistry when lightning strikes a cabinet next to him filled with chemicals, dousing him with electrified chemicals granting him the abilities of super speed and stretching his own body to elastic proportions. He graduates, and our mutant, hulking, spidery, solar charged, ninja trained, blind, super speedy, elastic, fish talking hero goes the mountains of Nepal to meditate, and he finds the last sorceror of Earth, slowly dying. He trains our hero to become his successor, the sorceror supreme. He also happens to tell him that if he says the word “Shazam” he’ll become the world’s mightiest mortal, always a handy thing to have, though our hero doesn’t have the heart to tell the sorceror he’s already the world mightiest mortal/alien/whatever. This training also happens to take place near the site where a space guardian of the Earth sector with a power ring crashes and is also dying. He finds our hero worthy and gives him the ring of power, telling him that the safety of Earth (“And it’s sorcerous ways!” the dying sorceror reminds him) is now in his hands.



He decides to go home, but rather than take a plane or fly, he takes a ship, forgetting he can fly under his own power(s) and when the ship sinks, gets “stranded” on an island, forcing him to learn the art of the bow until he remembers that he can fly under his own power, or use his new ring. He uses the ring and it shoots him into orbit where he meets an ancient, god-like galactic power that threatens to eat the Earth unless he agrees to become his herald. Our hero agrees and the god like being promptly forgets the whole deal and just up and leaves. He returns to Earth prematurely when a crashing bit of white dwarf star knocks him on the head and causes him to crash, but also, when he puts it in his palm, allows him to shrink and control his density.



Upon his return, he encounters a Playstation console, is enamored with Grand Theft Auto and decides to become a game developer instead.