I Have Seen The Future Of Our Species

And it has bad posture, and laughs like it’s choking on it’s own spit while being squeezed by the scrotum.

I speak of course, of the Nerd, of which I saw many when I went to Nerd-vana, better known as Biopolis for lunch today.

In recent years, one of the things Singapore has done to try and stay relevant is diversify. One of the ways the country has done this is start pushing itself as an Intelligence Based Economy, relying on brain power rather than traditional industry to make its claim in the world market. Part of that initiative has been to have an EXTREMELY friendly policy when it comes to stem cell research, and Biopolis, a science park/campus not far from the GameAxis office, is one of these centers of research. The only reason I even went there is because one of the guys at the office suggested we eat there, it being nearby and none us ever having eaten there before, so it was a “what the hell” moment that led to me quickly being overcome by an intense feeling of being overwhelmed. I was initially confused as to what invisible force was seemingly blowing against me with torrential-like speed when I realized it was the massive collective IQ of a few thousand people several orders of magnitude smarter than anyone else within a 5000 mile radius.

Whereas the rest of us sit around at lunch and say “Yeah, how ’bout them Oscars,” these guys sit around and say, “Yeah, I sneezed and it suddenly occurred to me how we could cure cancer,” or, “Screw YOU, Captain Kirk is TEN TIMES the man Picard is, and I know because I’ve figured out how to clone a person with a fingernail, a rubber band, a petri dish, calculator and 6 ounces of uranium 238 mixed with ketchup! Plus, I TOTALLY RULE MAGIC THE GATHERING!”

These people are clear and clinching proof of the success of the nerd. Some of them still carried all the hallmarks of their youth, the gangly limbs, massive adam’s apple, glasses with lenses thick enough to stop gamma rays, short sleeved shirts with collars and bad posture, and yet, whereas their jock competitors, the ones who got all the girls in high school are now car mechanics or mid-level grunts in some office, these losers of youth with no social skills whatsoever are worth millions of dollars in Basic Patents, and are the kind of guys that those same girls that scorned them in past now desperately wish they were married to, if only to take advantage of their lack of material taste to blow their huge bank accounts on.

I stood in numb amazement as two Hot Asian Chicks sandwiched a solitary nerd who was eating lunch at his table. They laughed at his jokes, they listened with shimmering engagement to his every word, they realized that he was completely hopeless when it came to relating to other human beings, but they also realized a) he was worth tons and tons of money, and b) he was wrapped around their fingers because they were attractive girls and he was a nerd who had previously only fantasized about ever being approached by such a woman. The loneliness of the nerd, plus their incredible wealth make them easy marks for the Incredible Hotness that Asian girls can cultivate when they really set their mind to it.

But behold, this is our future. Gargantuan IQs mixed with the slinky, winsome DNA of Asian hothouse flowers. The end result? Kids that look like Keanu Reeves but think like Stephen Hawking.

Fear the future, for you cannot escape it.