Beautiful Stupid Cool

It’s been out for a while now, but I only just got around to finally watching it–with English subtitles–yesterday, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.

Almost seems to be a running theme what with Silent Hill having just been viewed a few days ago and now I’ve got a video game movie that’s even more video game movie than Silent Hill was for multiple reasons. The most obvious being that it’s a direct sequel to the game it’s based on, Final Fantasy VII. The other most obvious being that, just like its originator, it too uses CG animation rather than live action, and the most telling of all, it’s made by the creators of the game, Squenix.

Visually, it’s so good looking that I suffered from sensory overload minutes into it and just gave up trying to appreciate the enormous level of talent that went into the modeling and animation; if you try to point out every single cool technical thing going on in this movie, your head will explode. Narratively however, there are problems, and this is quickly becoming a hallmark of game-based movies. In this case, it suffers from a similar problem to Silent Hill, in that what was passable as a game plot starts to suffer as a movie plot. In particular, the extremely vague and borderline incomprehensible epic melodrama of FFVII carries over here with deep, profound, almost German Existentialist ramblings that seem totally out of place in a world where people jump 30 feet into the air and effortlessly swing swords that are bigger than they are.

But DAMN if it ain’t the most beautiful looking CG I’ve ever seen in my life. You have to throw any reasonable assumptions about story–or even Newtonian physics–out the window for Advent Children, but if you can do that, a sumptuous CG feast of impressive animation and never, EVER before seen action-based insanity rips across your screen in between cryptic mumblings about collective planetary energy waves that are thinly disguised metaphors for community spirit, friendship, and what happens when you don’t trust people or, more importantly, yourself.

Ultimately, Advent Children fits in my “I’ll watch it again occasionally for the kick ass animation, but other wise I don’t care for it much” category.

The New Nintendo Console

Since I’m not the only one aghast at what Nintendo has done for their new console–for those of you not interested in the developments within the gaming industry, Nintendo has announced the name of their upcoming new console is “Wii” pronounced “We” is in “We are going to the movies,” or “That baby has a tiny wee-wee.” In an effort to Stop The Madness, I list some alternatives for how gamers can refer to the Wii Console, which still makes me giggle just saying it.

Courtesy of JH who posted on my GameAxis blog entry: That Nintendo Console.

I also offer up “The Nintendo” in honor of simpler days when kids would say to each other “You wanna’ play Atar/Nintendo?” back in the 80′s and 90′s.

For Singapore, which is mad about acronyms even when they’re actually longer to pronounce than the word itself, there is “Double-u, eye, eye console.”

For people looking for something a little more politically incorrect, and considering they lost, something which, prophetically, may happen again with this generation of console wars, they can refer to it as “WWii” or “World War Two.”

For the stubborn, there is also simply “The Revolution” since that’s the name everyone is used to now. For dyslexics, it becomes “Iiw” or “Aiwah.”

For old school gamers you can alternatively refer to it as the “Mario/Metroid/Zelda/F-Zero” Box, just pick your favorite. For the marketing oriented who now realize that Microsoft has wasted the 360 part of the Xbox 360′s name, since that was their answer to the Nintendo Revolution and it’s not even named that anymore, you can call it the Nintendo Z-Pentabox 720. On a related note, does this now mean that the Xbox 360, in order to stay current, must change it’s name to Xbox Everyone, since Everyone is more “powerful” than “we”?

For the old school, there’s always the good old fashioned, “Famicom,” which, surprisingly, the more I think about it, the more I see this being a FAR more relevant name now than it was when the Famicom first debuted. And last, but not least, by far the EASIEST of all the new names to give it, “The Other Console,” since everyone will KNOW you’re not talking about the PS3 or Xbox Everyone.

The Review Post

First of all, my Silent Hill review is already up at GameAxis and available for viewing here.

And second of all, much to my surprise, I ended up finishing Tomb Raider: Legend last night, and so my thoughts on the game are ready to fly.

As a game, TRL is very solid and competently thought out, showing a real sense of craftsmanship in the controls and level design. The levels, strangely enough, while much better looking than their PS1 ancestors never seem to reach the same sense of scale. I’m thinking in particular of the massive Greek ruins that caused so many open mouths in 1996, while TRL sports nothing on quite that same level of scale.

On the other hand, the game does look great. Lara is finally looking recognizably human, rather than a massively stylized rendition of one, the environments are brimming with nice effects such as shafts of light streaming from the roofs of ruined tombs, and even little touches such as when Lara climbs out of the water after a swim, her skin is shiny with water, and her clothing is actually a shade darker to reflect the water absorption.

Lara’s voice acting–as well as that of her allies and enemies–is another quality act. While some of the characters occasionally come off as seeming somewhat cliche, they are at least performed competently, with no bad voice acting anywhere. Keely Hawes, a British actress, does a fine job of giving the class and wit you’d expect from someone raised and educated as a Countess, but also manages to show the kind of fire and anger in Lara Croft that would make you believe that perhaps she really is tough enough to be a Tomb Raider despite her Genteel upbringing.

The controls are probably the one area where improvement has been desperately needed for years and it’s finally happened. Although the camera control–as is true for nearly all 3D games–can occasionally get in the way or be a little difficult to “tame” the rest of the controls operate almost intuitively, letting you perform a huge range of complex moves quickly and easily. The addition of a “rhythm based” enhancement to movement (You tap the triangle button in time to Lara’s moves) to increase the pace at which she swims, scales walls, or climbs ladders is nice touch for people that want to keep things moving and have the motor control to handle it. Levels–while not as expansive as previously mentioned–are still well thought out, and, unlike past Tomb Raider games, don’t rely on the “fetch quest” of finding a door or lock at one end of a gigantic environment, being forced to retrieve an item at the far end, then having to navigate to another unlocking mechanism way out at the other end, only to have to drag yourself back through the massive environment once again just to finally pull the lever and open the door. Puzzles, while still requiring some thought, are usually self-contained, so if you can’t seem to overcome an obstacle, it’s not because you’ve forgotten something 2 kilometers back, you’re just not seeing the solution built into the environment you’re currently in, and that’s a very, VERY welcome change.

On a story note, I’m happy to report that the story of this game is indeed pretty well done. Lara Croft–in a strange twist of irony–is becoming more and more human even as her cinematic counterpart Angelina Jolie becomes more and more unreal and superheroic with her feats of derring do. The story of Tomb Raider Legend is, surprisingly, but also obviously, once you think about it, the story of Lara Croft herself. The game actually takes a cue from a critical event mentioned in the offical Croft bios, the fact that she supposedly survived a plane crash in the Himalayas and how that experienced transformed her from mere dilettante to obsessed Tomb Raider. How that event, subsequent flash backs and a new adventure in the present tie all together gives a much clearer–and more sympathetic–picture of Lara Croft as a person rather than just a super hot badass with guns.

This is also where I have to lodge my largest complaint with the game. While as a pure gaming experience it is a joy to interact with from start to finish, that finish comes FAR too abruptly. It feels like just the train hit top speed, it ran into the side of the mountain and you are left shocked and not quite believing that it’s over. It ends on what amounts to a cliff hanger (Which is annoying in itself) but also ends after less than ten hours of game play, and that is when you’re taking your time. Dedicated, hardcore gamers that try and get through the game as quickly possible can finish the game in 5-6 hours. It can be a good or bad thing depending on your point of view, but the ride ends far too quickly. Just as it’s getting really, really good, in fact.

So although it’s incredibly short, it’s an amazingly fun game. I actually have a kind of difficult time being able to reccomend it as a game to buy because of its short length, but if you’re the sort of person that rents games, this is one that you HAVE to rent as it can be easily finished in a weekend. With any luck, Crystal Dynamics will be making an announcement about a new Tomb Raider game at the E3 for the PS2, since it’s obvious this story is meant to be continued, and now that the engine is in place, all that really needs to be done is design new levels and get the voice actors and musicians in for another round. The foundation is there to quickly get the sequel and resolve story, and, by God, they’d BETTER resolve this story, because I really, REALLY need to know how this ends…

Some Random Facts

I have now watched War of the Worlds, March of the Penguins and Domino, in that order. Of them all, it was the Penguins that was actually the coolest.

Tomb Raider Legend is shaping up to be a very good game, and a long awaited worthy successor to the original Playstation phenomenon. Since I’m not doing the review for GameAxis, I can post a capsule review of my own thoughts here, which I’ll do once I’ve finished it.

The Wife and I just this rainy afternoon went down to a part of the neighborhood we never suspected held a small gallery of replica arms, including period firearms, blades from actual historical periods, and fantasy weapons which are either of original design, or inspired by various sources, such as The Lord of the Rings. Since the Wife is doing comics and other illustrations now, and since I’m writing Nowhere which involves the use of katanas (That is to say, the traditional blade used by Japanese Samurai) we now have something like this in the house.

I have already chased the cats around with it while muttering things like “YOU HAVE NO HONOR! DIE! HAAAAI!” and “EVIL SHALL PERISH BY MY BLADE!” and it’s more fun that I had suspected. There is something incredibly cool about having a sword in your house…

Welcome Back, Toby & Lara

It’s a little belated, but I finally got my grubby mitts on her and brought ‘er home today.

After the suck-age that was Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness, Lara Croft has come back on every major gaming platform, with Tomb Raider: Legend courtesy of Toby Gard, the original creator who left Eidos and Lara after he didn’t like the direction they were taking. Well he’s back and now I’m going to catch up with the old gal and take her out to see what she’s got.

So I Managed To Watch It After All

That is to say, I stepped into the office this morning and a few minutes later was told that not only had Silent Hill arrived in Singapore, and not only had the censors not yet taken their scissors to the movie, but that the distributors, the Shaw Brothers company was going to be screening it in the private theater they had on the 13th floor of their office building and some lucky bastard from GameAxis was going to go and watch it with ‘em.

Said lucky bastard being me.

I can’t go into too many details since I’m still owing an official review for GameAxis itself,
but I will say this; fans of the game have nothing to complain about, it’s so true to the look and feel of the game that it’s positively unnerving. Unfortunately, fans of cinema in general will–and rightfully so–bash it for exactly these same reasons. But my God, as a huge admirer of the series, the geek in me has just gotta’ marvel at how intensely true to the series Roger Avary and Chrisopher Gans were, even if it came at the expense of the plot, dialog and acting… Oh well.

When the review has been submitted and put up on the GameAxis website, I’ll post a link here.

The Most Horrible Comic Book Superhero Ever

I had one of those amazingly bad ideas that you know should never, ever do anything with, so I’m going to post it here and be done with it.

Somehow, while discussing that certain monthly event that only women experience that men will never be privy to, it suddenly occurred to me that this was a heroine, a super experience, and a super power that had never been exploited by comic books, which led me to the creation of:

Menstra: It’s That Time Of The Month… FOR JUSTICE!

Menstra’s story begins the way all noble defenders of justice do, with an origin story. Once love child of the 60′s, a delightful but orphaned young woman by the name of Moon Flow finds herself caught out in the rain in the big city. Alone, lost and dejected, she retreats to an abandoned subway tunnel and realizes once she’s high and dry that she has a terrifc case of the cramps on top of her usual menstrual period and goes looking for a bathroom.

She eventually finds an ancient row of stone cubicles dating back to the Greco-Menstro period and goes in, sitting down and realizing that she doesn’t have anything with which to address her problem. As any girl is wont to do, she knocks on the wall to see if anyone is in the stall beside her. She gets an answer…

Mysterious Female Voice: Yes?

Moon Flow: Uh… This is really embarrassing, but…

MFV: Are you in need?

MF: Er… Yeah, I really, really am.

MFV: Then take this.

Under the stall a slim, elegant hand produces what seems to be an ordinary tampon except for the fact that it seems to buzz with palapable electricity and it glows blue. Beggars, however, cannot be choosers, and so Moon Flow gratefully accepts it and uses, which results in a lot of lightning and thunder and when it all clears, she finds herself transformed into a super heroic version of herself. There is a woman bearing an uncanny resemblance to Cate Blanchett stands before her swathed in robes.

MF: Leapin’ Lizards and gosh patootie, who are you and what’s happened to me?!?

MFV: I am the sorceress Periodora! And I bequeath unto you the power of Menstra!

MF: What’s that?

P: When justice cries for redress and the time is right, you shall bleed for justice!

MF: What do you mean?

P: The enchanted tampon I have given you is the ONLY one you will ever need for the rest of your life! When you find that justice must flow and you need the power of Menstra, you have but to pull the string and it shall be yours!

MF: GOLLY!

Fast forward to several months later…

Menstra has made a name for herself as a crime fighter in the city! While on her monthly patrol, she spies some bank robbers!

Menstra: STOP, LAW BREAKERS!

Robber: Aw get lost, ya’ dumb girl!

Menstra: You cannot stop the flow of JUSTICE!

Robber: What are you talking about?

The crowd of on lookers, familiar with this sight, begin to run, or simply to put umbrellas as Menstra stands with her legs further apart.

Robber: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, ONLY PLEASE, PLEASE STOP, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I’M TRAUMATIZED! TRAUMATIZED!!

Menstra: The flow of justice will not be denied!

See? I told you it was a horrible idea.

My Headfirst Crash Into The Generation Gap

I just realized that this current generation of people in their 20s-30s will probably be the last ones to say that they spent their youth without the ability to carry their entire music collection, that is, every single damn song they ever wanted upon their person in something that can fit comfortably in a bag or large pocket.

It amazes me to think that kids born these days will find the idea of not having ALL of your music instantly available to them on a whim to be about as inconceivable as not breathing oxygen.

Man, I’m old.

I’m Having A Monition

This was brought on by the observation that a premonition is the experience of predicting or seeing a future event before it has happened, which kind of let to the logical question, “If there’s a PRE-monition, then can there be just plain old monitions?”

I think the answer to this is, yes, yes there are. In our own way, all of us are powerful psychics that are having monitions each and every moment.

With this knowledge now firmly in hand, I realize that we all have a responsibility to use our powerful gifts for the benefit of each other. Witness:

Me: Oh, my GOD!

Wife: What, what is it?

Me: I’m having a powerful monition right now!

Wife: Of what?

Me: I see… I see you! Looking at me, as I… wait, wait… it’s coming to me… yes, looking at me as I talk about having a monition!

Wife: WOW! THAT’S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, HOW CAN YOU BE SO ACCURATE AND PRECISE!?!

Me: It’s a gift. And now I’m having another monition.

Wife: Jeepers, creepers, what is it?

Me: I see… me… talking about having another monition, while you… yes, you listen.

Wife: That’s so amazing.

Me: Ain’t it, though?

The Mother In Law’s Birthday

In which Eurasian food was consumed, apple strudels were eaten, and there were long walks in the hot afternoon sun.

Other than that, the only other things I plan on doing today are getting more writing done in various things, including this blog, the other blog, the children’s novel and the comic book-…

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I’ve started on a comic book. It’s actually the Wife’s idea, and one we’ve talked about on and off for the last couple of years, so the main story is actually “finished” in my head, it’s just a matter of getting it all out now. I had stupidly begun writing the script in Microsoft Word until I realized I didn’t have to anymore, since I now have a script writing program, something I didn’t have access to a few years ago when this project was first thought up.

Anyway, it’s called Nowhere, and… that’s all I’m going to say about it at this point, really. I have no idea what’s going to be done with it after I’ve written the first part, but at least it’ll be in the world, and that’s somethin’…