The Most Horrible Comic Book Superhero Ever

I had one of those amazingly bad ideas that you know should never, ever do anything with, so I’m going to post it here and be done with it.

Somehow, while discussing that certain monthly event that only women experience that men will never be privy to, it suddenly occurred to me that this was a heroine, a super experience, and a super power that had never been exploited by comic books, which led me to the creation of:

Menstra: It’s That Time Of The Month… FOR JUSTICE!

Menstra’s story begins the way all noble defenders of justice do, with an origin story. Once love child of the 60′s, a delightful but orphaned young woman by the name of Moon Flow finds herself caught out in the rain in the big city. Alone, lost and dejected, she retreats to an abandoned subway tunnel and realizes once she’s high and dry that she has a terrifc case of the cramps on top of her usual menstrual period and goes looking for a bathroom.

She eventually finds an ancient row of stone cubicles dating back to the Greco-Menstro period and goes in, sitting down and realizing that she doesn’t have anything with which to address her problem. As any girl is wont to do, she knocks on the wall to see if anyone is in the stall beside her. She gets an answer…

Mysterious Female Voice: Yes?

Moon Flow: Uh… This is really embarrassing, but…

MFV: Are you in need?

MF: Er… Yeah, I really, really am.

MFV: Then take this.

Under the stall a slim, elegant hand produces what seems to be an ordinary tampon except for the fact that it seems to buzz with palapable electricity and it glows blue. Beggars, however, cannot be choosers, and so Moon Flow gratefully accepts it and uses, which results in a lot of lightning and thunder and when it all clears, she finds herself transformed into a super heroic version of herself. There is a woman bearing an uncanny resemblance to Cate Blanchett stands before her swathed in robes.

MF: Leapin’ Lizards and gosh patootie, who are you and what’s happened to me?!?

MFV: I am the sorceress Periodora! And I bequeath unto you the power of Menstra!

MF: What’s that?

P: When justice cries for redress and the time is right, you shall bleed for justice!

MF: What do you mean?

P: The enchanted tampon I have given you is the ONLY one you will ever need for the rest of your life! When you find that justice must flow and you need the power of Menstra, you have but to pull the string and it shall be yours!

MF: GOLLY!

Fast forward to several months later…

Menstra has made a name for herself as a crime fighter in the city! While on her monthly patrol, she spies some bank robbers!

Menstra: STOP, LAW BREAKERS!

Robber: Aw get lost, ya’ dumb girl!

Menstra: You cannot stop the flow of JUSTICE!

Robber: What are you talking about?

The crowd of on lookers, familiar with this sight, begin to run, or simply to put umbrellas as Menstra stands with her legs further apart.

Robber: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, ONLY PLEASE, PLEASE STOP, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I’M TRAUMATIZED! TRAUMATIZED!!

Menstra: The flow of justice will not be denied!

See? I told you it was a horrible idea.