How Jack Thompson Believes Video Games Work

If you don’t know who Jack Thompson is, the short version is, he’s a lawyer in America that’s been getting a lot of attention recently for the theatrical way in which he attempts to stamp out the evil influence of video games. He’s sued Rockstar (creators of the Grand Theft Auto series), he’s lobbied for more control of the sales of video games–or better yet, get them banned outright–and he even condemned a Christian video game based on a series of novels about the Rapture because he believed the inclusion of violence ran counter to the Christian credo.

I think the reason for this is simple. Somewhere along the line, he became absolutely convinced that video games are much like Marvel Universe Radiation ™, which has a profound effect on people as a result of exposure.

For example:

Mahatma Gandhi: Boy I sure do love being a vegetarian, comdemning all acts of violence and striving to embrace the notion that truth is God!

Gamer: Hey Gandhi, try this video game, it’s called Pong!

2 hours later…

MG: ALL RIGHT, THIS IS A STICK UP! ANYONE OF YOU MOVES AND I’LL EXECUTE EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKING ONE OF YA’S!

Student: But… this is a cerebal palsy therapy center!

Gandhi beats the kid to death with a thumb tack.

MG: ANY OTHER OBJECTIONS? NO? THEN SOMEONE GET ME A CHEAP HOOKER AND A HAMBURGER, I’M STARVIN’ HERE!

Why, if games really worked like this, then I guess the only possible explanation for Hitler must be that someone stepped into a time machine and gave him the entire Grand Theft Auto collection, ’cause, as we all know, ONLY games could make someone that twisted. Evil simply didn’t exist before games came along…